XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Bobby Brown Swagger-Jacked

“I watched one of Usher’s shows and he basically did my whole show. It was as if it was me on stage. The thing about it is, I love seeing that. It’s a compliment to me as a performer . . . I think you take parts of whoever is the hottest act of that era and you incorporate that into your own style. It’s just like taking buttermilk, eggs and corn meal, you whip it up bake it and you have cornbread.” –Bobby Brown, Bobby Brown: The Truth and Nothing But The Truth…

You whip it up and you have cornbread? No Arm & Hammer? No slow simmer?

The Kang of R&B (rocks & blunts) gets the “Negro, Please” right off the bat for pretending he knows the recipe to anything other than that sweet base.

By the way, I think you taste egg and cinnamon.

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The Boondocks Catch-Up: Let It Burn!

"So many days. So many hours... --And the installation is freeeeeeee!" Sometimes you're out to dinner with your woman and Tyrese sits down at the table next to you. Sometimes your woman gets to her "Sweet Lady" fantasy happy place and shows Tyrese all 32 teeth and vaginal smile. Sometimes you gotta head home and take the L. It's a perfectly normal and realistic occurrence. Wouldn't let that shit happen to meeee, though. If you'll remember from "The Passion of Ruckus," Tom hates Usher... and Kobe. So this is akin to me having (a purely hypothetical) Mrs. Mexico taken away from me by... I don't know... Some little gremlin motherfucker like Cassidy. The funny thing is, you gotta let a bird fly. Sometimes another player knocks your girl off the strip. What you gonna do? Sit around and cry about it? Confront the player and catch a 15-yard penalty regardless how it plays out? Shit. You don't even confront the pigeon. "Now, now. There won't be any of that." Eddie Murphy's anecdote alludes to a bitchmade, square-ass nigga who got the game fucked up. A true player shouldn't have to shackle or beat a bitch. We'll explore this notion a little further later. White woman sure do got a big heart. She just wanted to be entertained by that negro Ron Mexico column and went home with a face full of man mustard. She came for the Throwback Thursday and left with the whole package of Toll House cookie dough in her mouth. This discussion is a scenario in which my inner Riley doesn't prevail. It doesn't matter if you lose your woman to T.I. or Gary Coleman. You lost her. Somehow your ho that you were supposed to have locked down done got the notion that licking Gary Coleman's ashy balls was better than life with you. With that said. I think we all have a short list of people that we would leave any relationship for. Fuck. Gary Coleman is on some woman's list. I'm sure of it. Needless to say, Tom DuBois "doing the music video thing" to Usher's "Burn" was incredible. Cedric Yarbrough puts in strong performance after strong-- Car! --um, performance, but McGruder got a little extra out of Jones.E this episode. Let it be known to all that I have incorporated "Sexy-Flexy-Ass Nigga" into my active vocabulary. I do thank The One World God that they brought A Pimp Named Slickback... back. He and I are Charles Xavier/Magneto on this issue. While APNS believes Chronic Bitch Dependency, or CBD, is an illness of some sort that can and should be cured, Ron Mexico believes that CBD is genetic and we should allow those who "suffer from" it to continue to fall victim to natural selection. Who's going to break their pockets on the bitches and hoes if we "cure" something as natural as Advanced Trickin' Syndrome? Then we'd all be "sans trique" as the French would say. Who would we be able to get over on? I found the dream sequence hysterical. You know. The one where Tom reminisces on he and Sarah's "happy" life and we see that she's been bored beyond the help of her Magic Bullet. Something inside me wanted to yell: "Told you 'bout messin with them white girls! She on the couch thinkin about Chad Pennington!" Until I decided that Julie probably wouldn't fuck me if I said any of that aloud. It was bad enough that I had her watching "I Love New York" and making my popcorn. With all that said, had I blurted that shit out, I'd have to... you know... let a ho fly. "You better make that G4 work, bitch and stop playin' with me." - Quote of the Episode! This is why you don't confront the player. Thomas got the appropriate result for slapping Urshurr. It ain't Urshurr's fault your snowflake is diggin him. You know the name of the game. Your bitch chose Sexy-Flexy! Tom's just lucky she didn't take his ass to the cleaners like Strahan and bounce with the mulatto. That's all you're setting yourself up for anyway when you get married. Lesson: Don't get fucking married.