Friday, December 14, 2007
Snoop Dogg's Father Hood: Welcome 2 Tha Dogg House
We interrupt this "I Love New York 2" overdose to bring you this very important announcement: I mean... it's almost like when Thugnificent moved to Woodcrest. What a terribly scripted intro. I haven't seen acting that bad since the last time I saw Snoop Dogg acting. He should have shotgunned that little tar baby of his. I wonder how many times she's walked in on him "working on music, baby." What? You don't smell that music, mane? Yes, as expected, Snoop Dogg is high at all times. Also, as excpeted with Snoop Dogg being a black man, he absolutely abhors going to the doctor. This nigga don't watch "Grey's Anatomy" or "Scrubs" or nothin. What's unexpected is that a crip-ass, murderin'-ass nigga such as Tha Doggfather is afraid of needles. I guess for his frame a needle puncture is like a .45 shell wound. This nigga officially falls into the category of sickly. He ain't like needles since that time he saw his uncle nod off on a bad bag of chunky. Was it me or did his doctor's office look like a porn set? In fact, I seen his doctor on MILF Hunter. Everything she said on camera came out sounding as if she were offering to wax his jimmy like she needed the rock and Snoop was G-Money. Surprise! The black man is stressed out with high blood pressure. 9 out of every 10 black men hear the same diagnosis whenever they finally drag themselves in to see a doctor. These kids are some lazy, ridiculous fucks. Let me get this right. This big, sloppy Eddy Curry with and extra chromosome motherfucker they got in the house doesn't clean up after himself? Isn't he like-- not even their child? Oh, hell-to-the-no! Big Anthony better get his ass on all fours and ride Snoop Dogg's high-yellow offspring to the bathroom cabinet like Falcor. Just because you have a cleaning lady doesn't mean you have to be a lazy, nasty fuck. Apparently these children lack the guidance of an appropriate father figure. It doesn't look like they are getting much out of the hypersexual smoke cloud in the garage. Snoop better check his bitch. He might be raising a couple of Layzie Bone's kids. I love Snoop's little "high-as-hell" dance for the commercial segues. Wow, Snoop really is a fucking dog. Every time you see him he's ogling some girl. That poor little Japanese girl was terrified. Snoop should know better than to just run up on her like that. Play it cool, big homie. That's why they sell her soiled drawers in the vending machine in the lobby. Snoop's libido and surley chronic-induced verbal diarrhea led me to a moment in the show that made me embarrassed for black people. If I were in that yoga class with them white folks and when told to "open our hips" some nigga like Snoopnificent says "I got somethin to open your hips up," I'd be as red as a brown nigga can get. I'd be burnt sienna. Sure, I'd be thinking the exact same thing, but I wouldn't be disrupting class with it like I did in 4th grade with the Nice 'N Smooth lyrics. "Sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick./" Then I added on some shit that rhymed with dick. Ms. Gibson heard me and tossed my black ass like an unruly slave off the Amistad. After Snoop realizes that yoga isn't going to work and he doesn't wanna keep paying for his bodyguard's sweat damage to the hardwood floor, he runs back to his doctor for another suggestion to relieve his Nigritis. He's excited as hell about the Eastern Medicine suggestion. "Yeah, Doc. I'm more into Eastern medicine. That Chocolate Thai with a massage with the happy ending. You know what time it is!" Indeed we do. Snoop better be careful they don't make his ass the next Flavor Flav. Parting Shot: Snoop need to stop smokin all them damn blunts and get to beatin some ass. Rev Run's kids ain't nasty like that. Maybe he needs to watch these new episodes of Run's House after his shit airs.