Thursday, September 6, 2007
Throwback Thursday: Keith Sweat Double-Up
Here lie two of the best from the worst popular R&B singer of the 80s & 90s. Ladies and gentlemen, the finest hours of Apollo Legend, Keith Sweat! Keith Sweat feat. Kut Close - "Twisted" I thought we were down. After a cameo in "New Jack City," non-singin ass Keith wannna play po-leese. With "Darkie's Angels" by his side, he really feels like he can do anything, so the label allowed it. In the mid 1990s, everybody had Puffy syndrome. During this era, the colored music video was almost guaranteed to be a mini-motion picture event, and an insightful look into a lot of niggas' psyches. You know what Keith Sweat should have made a video fantasy about? Being a singer. Instead we get neither a convincing cop nor recording artist. Oh, and three handfuls of Harlem weave magic. I can't cut too hard on Kut Klose's weave situation. 12 years ago we didn't have a lot of the major advances in Trackology that we enjoy and take for granted today. These shits are like designer braces now. You don't know how many women I've come across who have made the decision to augment their lives with "InvisaWeave." Back to the caper. This is some of the worst detective work ever caught on film. This is why the NYPD ain't shit. Detective Sweat somehow gets the perp's address and everything. The Black Widow burglar/murderer just in the house chillin in lingerie waiting. After getting embarrassed like that, you CAN'T simp! You're NYPD! Your family owns half of Malcolm X Boulevard! Shit, have you been on Lenox recently? Correction: They own ALL of it. Fuck the "STOP SNITCHING!" t-shirts. I'm gonna start up some "STOP SIMPIN'" ones. I mean, dude. You shoulda locked her ass up after you busted that nut! Pretend to get freaky with the cuffs, then drag her stupid, ho ass downstairs to the car. "Oh, bitch. You thought I was gonna let you off after a fuck?! Better had gave me some zebra head." Damn, Keith Sweat. You just aren't good at anything, are you? This played out more like the preview for "My Thievin' Ex-Girlfriend." AND you let the bitch get shot at the end. Jesus. You're useless! Keith Sweat feat. Athena Cage - "Nobody" *holds nose* Now whoooo can love you like meeeeeee?! This go-round, nigga came out the dressing room (car) lookin like a skinny Nate Dogg. The most interesting part of the clip to a 2007-dweller is a look back at Mekhi Phifer's humble video ho beginnings. In direct competition with Bokeem Woodbine, the scrappy licorice-gummed Phifer edged out the gap and the crazy eye by a couple of... fuck it. "ER." It's obviously 1995, so why are they dressed like Keith Sweat dodged a still-segregated army for a life of 1945 pimping? You can't help but feel terrible for Athena Cage. Homegirl was ruined from the start. Everything Keith Sweat touches turns to shit. Before this last New Edition tour Johnny Gill was giving restroom handjobs and Gerald Levert was... you know... alive. How he got to be sandwiched between Levert and Gillie Da Queer is beyond me... but I bet Johnny was the bottom bun. After all this time and nasty talk, the nigga gonna pull up at CHURCH? Do we miss the rest of the clip that shows footage of a Hot Ghetto Mess wedding? Damn. May whoever you pray to bless Keith Sweat's awkward, non-dancing, non-singing ass. While you're at it, request a remedy for looking like Patrick Ewing and Allan Houston went half on a cub.