Throughout my Big Green catalogue, I've been particularly kind to Ludacris. Not only is he one of the most vicious ever to deliver a rhyme, but the man has made some great videos. I guess dude is due for a Mexican shitshower. "Celebrity Chick" is one light-skinned, freckled stepchild's attempt at assembling a nuclear family out of the slaves that get sold 12-at-a-time. I mean... Damn, Luda. You'd have to look to the deepest, coldest reaches of the foster care system to find a neglected fuck-up the likes of Steph Jones. I'm talking "shirt-torn, shivering at the end of the bed with man resin in his fro"-neglected. Some real "Sleepers" shit. At first I thought all those years of sucking dick had finally paid off for Quddus. Speaking of sucking dick, it's nice to see bottom bitch Ching-a-ling back on the stroll. After 3 years of solitude, the mean streets of the rap game done sent Ching Diva back to Skinny Black's loving arms. Well, isn't that cute? BUT IT'S WRONG!!!! You's a loooong ass way from "Holidae In," little nigga. This is the strip motel that still smells like butt sweat and Vagisil when you sit on the bed. Consuela can't scrub out history, folks. Remember that the next time you check into your local mo'. I love the opening exchange:
Ludacris: You know what? Hold on, now. What is that that you drinkin on, Changy? Chingy: Oh, mayn you know what this is. You peed in this shit and handed it to me like 10 minutes ago. Small World: Uh. It got 11 essential vitamins and minerals. Ludacris: Just checkin.Back to DTP's newest savior and horrible chorus man. This nigga really think he hurtin somethin lookin like Chris Brown's dirty older brother with no job. How do niggas with voices that weak get record deals? He must drink from the same can as Ching-a-ling. Chris Brown would kill himself if he sounded like Steph Jones again. On some real shit, when I saw the name "Steph Jones" I was looking for a chick on the track. What is the purpose of a cap that will never fit on that mess of shit-locks? That bitch just hangin on like Owen Wilson to Kate Hudson's "wizard sleeves." I liiiiike. Aside from being a poo'-putt mushmouth, this Small World nigga's outfit look like some starving toddlers in the projects tore open a box of Kabooms on a Saturday morning. --Which brings me to Question of the Day: Who the fuck does Ludacris have dressing these bitch-asses? Is Titty Boy on double duty or something? Sorry, these clown-ass niggas almost made me forget this video attempted to have a plot. Luda was like "If you want your weed money you better get your rodent-lookin' ass out there and invite some bitches to get tricked on at my house later." I know you have to carry your weight if you're gonna roll with Cris Lova Lova, but handing out flyers like you promoting the damn strip club is NOT how you get "Celebrity Chicks" to hang with you. Better put some coke on them shits or something. In an Appalachian State miracle, they somehow fill the rent-a-house with hoes. They then uphold the "only niggas wear clothes" rule of rap videos pretty well until Stephanie decides to throw his final "asset" on the poker table. Sadly, the pool jump was the first time that dirty octoroon touched water that day. Morocco Mole over there needn't e'er remove his glasses either.
"We don't die. We multiply."Then we'd better stop pouring water on these niggas and letting them eat cornbread after midnight. Is this really what DTP has become? Ludacris emptied house and came back with this stable of touchdowns? Damn. Nigga better off with bum-ass Lil' Fate. At least he didn't pretend to be good at this shit.