Friday, September 28, 2007
Take The Cake?... Don't You Mean "Cornbread?"
Come on, Negro Channel. Just say it. We'll respect you more. This is my new favorite Soulja Boy video. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to see Joe Clair getting a damn check. He's been getting his national commercials in and shit. Feed your family, proud black king. Gotta love that, right? But what the hell kind of darkie freak show do they have him working? I don't know if Ron Mexico could show up to this set with a clear conscience. I don't know what to say. Damon Wayans' performance in "Bamboozled" really touched me. Toccara would come chunky pose at your auntie's cookout for a soggy $50 bill and some of them ribs. I'm not surprised to see her here. BET is probably paying her in Lane Bryant gift certificates. She's working for gear. As with any BET original programming, everything from the set to the camerawork is the lowest quality allowable by the FCC. This is not what sickens me. What really drowns my dogs is that this program is nothing more than a text message charge trap. I mean, pay-per-text services already ran the commercial advertising market network-wide. Why not push these shits with an hour-long program of our greatest commodity, negroid jackassery? Wanna crank dat thang between the text messages? Sure! Why the fuck not?! Hey, Toccara. Why don't you squeal like a stuck pig at everything Joe Clair says? Hey, Joe Cleezy. Could you do a little dance for whatever city/state/region the caller is from? Thanks, pal. Just last night, while viewing the program for the first time, I watched "ATL" star Jackie "Esquire" Long say "fuck it!" on a live broadcast after failing to correctly answer some very elementary Negro trivia. This program is an insult to our collective colored intelligence not only in the educational level of the trivia. This is an insult in their assumption that we don't know what the fuck this is. BET would have you believe that black people are nothing more than crankin, robocoppin, booty wallpaper-text-ordering sneaker monkeys. Niggas gettin mad cuz I got me some bathing apes. Here's some more cornbread and cabbage. "Let me spread some of this here sand on the floor..." Why don't they just get Rudy Ray Moore to host a ghetto-survival-flavored re-creation of "The Price Is Right?" Niggas can argue over food stamp conversions and dope quantities without scales and shit.