The Wire Season 5: "Thangs Done Changed"

That's a Proposition Joe moment. Alright, fuck it. Another one. He deserves it. That shit's from the super bootleg Season 4 DVD. My shit was clean than a fuck, son. Anyway... To the episode. While "Thangs Done Changed" as the late, great, notorious, glorious Big Poppa once said, shit remains the same. I'm more inclined to go with the wisdom of Solomon in that there ain't a thang new under The [Balitomore] Sun. Detective Carlicchio, or however the fuck you spell his name, invoked the spirit of Herc and Carver during Season 1. By going straight Reginald Deny on a school teacher because he was humiliated by Kenard, he reminded Carver of why every minute aspect of professional conduct matters. Besides, Carlicchio shouldn't have been talking shit to his superior officer if nothing else. The best part was that Herc even agreed with Carver at Reformed Fuck-ups Support Group [held weekly at McDougal's Pub or the Precinct parking lot (pimpin'.)] Speaking of Herc, I would have collapsed to the ground with laughter if I were Marlo after finding out what the camera cost Sgt. Hauk. The top brass counts costs as the volleyball team in command rotates once more. I would have wondered what Burrell was doing behind me with a golf club during such volatile times. I've been in a room with a drawn golf club before. The shit is not cool. While I continued to roll my blunt and play it cool, part of me wanted to rush the situation and wrap the 7-iron around that bitch-ass nigga. But I digress. City Council President Norrice promises to convince Burrell to go down quietly at a price. In exchange for culmination of her sweetheart deal with the dope lord, she'll handle that bidness for Massa Tommy. In passing, Rawls takes in some friendly advice from his esteemed predecessor, Ervin Burrell while Deputy Ops Daniels enjoys the begining of his 6-month waiting period. ...and to think Pearlman could have been fucking Jimmy McNulty. No, sir. The mandingo suits her just fine. Homegirl's name is Rhonda anyway. She probably eats neckbones and all that. "That wasn't me, Rhonda." -Tyrone Biggums Note: The mailman is Clay Davis. What's Clay Davis up to, you ask? His elbows in shit. Dealing a blow to the altruistic credibility of the pursuit of R. Clayton "Sheeeeit" Davis Strong mayoral candidate Bell doesn't want Lester to dig up the whole radish. Just enough to bury Clay Davis alone. We've already seen Norrice's ties to those bitch ass niggas on the East Side. I wonder whose package is keeping Bell's campaign contribution account full. All roads lead to Clay Davis' balls not being the only ones dangled above the rotisserie. McNutty and Freamon are keeping their respective fire alive. They went all the way down to the Southern to harass Uncle Phil for bums. If only they were allowed to put this kind of energy to real cases. While trying to solidify their weak sauce, was that one of the Season 2 stevedores Freamon and McNutty came across at the fire in the bum community? Jimmy's gonna be just as lonely soon enough. Beadie shouldn't have even given this nigga a talking to. It should have been straight G-H-E-T-T-O-U-T. Yo, son... Keema Greggs got a fatty. If she weren't no lesbian, I'd have some energy to focus on that. I wouldn't mind the three way with her and her ex, neither. They both look good. On a far more serious note, the boy she discovered in the closet is the scariest shit in the world. I couldn't imagine what his worldview is like. "I'mma work them. Sweet Jesus, I'mma work them." -Omar The first stop on Omar's "Welcome Home" tour was East Side to see the one crew he knew to have a means of reaching Butchie. Knowing that Prop Joe wouldn't be anywhere near his operation, he decided to take the drama to Lt. Slim Charles at his project apartment. Luckily, Charles saved his own balls with a good confession. Somewhere across town The Rat who took the Cheese took a stroll with Chris Partlow. Usually this is not a good thing. Cheese walking with Chris was hilarious. "I ain't done nothing to piss you off lately, right?" No, in fact he was just being awarded the honor of making Marlo's job easier by taking yet another East Side boss out of the equation. Immediately after deading Shitty Man... I mean, Hungry Man, Cheese then finished off his own uncle. Before Joe was to take off into hiding from Omar, Method Rat brings Marlo and Chris to Joe's pre-hideout. The fucked up part is that it was probably like, Cheese's grandfather's house or some shit. Ugh, I can't stand this new breed. Joe was right. Marlo and Cheese come from a generation removed from the struggle. Ain't no love in the heart of the city. Rest In Peace "Proposition" Joe Stewart. For his Season 5 fall in its entirety, [click here]. As one observant viewer pointed out, Prop Joe fucked up when he let Marlo meet Vondas back in Season 4. To expand on the notion, Joe made a suspect move like that to save Cheese's disloyal, bitch-made ass. Bonus: For those of you that don't remember, this (among other times Omar has drawn down on Senor Queso) is the reason Mef is so bent on burying Omar. That and the dickbreath.

I Love New York 2: The Stooch In Review - "Girlfriends and Sisters"

Alright guys. Sorry for missing a few of these, but here we go. How funny was this shit? Before "The Parent Trap" came this year's "Ex-Girl To The Next-Girl" episode starring Tailor Made, Buddha, Mr. Wise, Frankie Goomba the Entertainer, Punk and Pretty. I don't think they could have dreamed of a more eclectic and entertaining collection of ex and "okay-with-all-this-fuck-shit-so-long-as-we-get-paid" girlfriends. I had 2-to-1 odds going that Mr. Wise's ex was gonna be a chocolate animal woman. She didn't have to fluff up his chocolate stick all unprovoked like that. In doing so, she revealed herself as a helper character. What I did NOT expect was Tailor Made's Jamaican bumboclot he married. Sure, you can like black women. Shit. A man ain't a man until he split the dark oak. The Jamaican woman, however, is an entirely different animal... er, umm... tree? As soon as I heard that accent I got flashbacks to getting my ass whipped in ways they'd lock a bitch up for in the States. This must be where his penchant for punishment comes from. He's all about the sugar cane beatings and Blue Montain Curry Powder in his tossed salad. Entertainer's woman was... sizeable, yes. No, she wasn't no 300-pound, half-Arctic seal-lookin broad. She was just Jersey. That's how they get down out there. Those bitches are at no shortage of meat-and-cheese pasta. As long as she's not some racist fucktard from the interior it's really all good, people. What was not all good was how homegirl dropped the nail that would eventually be driven into his coffin. There is no way New York is ending up with some package handler that lives in his parents' basement. "Nigga, please. You work for UPS." - Biz Markie "Don't be mad. UPS is hiring." - The Notorious B.I.G. "Special Delivery!" - G-Dep (now working at FedEx) Buddha's ex-girlfriends are all either still in the hospital from dicklash or have restraining orders, so his sister had to come out. Pretty's ex-girlfirends couldn't make the trip to Los Angeles to be on television because they were all... um... in the Astronaut Training Facility... in Atlanta. Yeah. That's it. So, his sister had to come out too. Keeping true to the "Flavor of Love" franchise format, New York and ManBearPig have face-to-face, woman-to-wildlife time with the contestants' loved ones while some special, secret, trustworthy guests of hers "interrogate" the men. I don't think anyone was surprised to see detectives Chance and Real on the case. We were due for a Stallionaire cameo, weren't we? High out of their minds, Chance and Real get the job done with interrogation questions like: "How did you get that scar across your lip?" "Snitchin!" "Why are you going bald?" "Do you strip, homie? Do you dip, homie?" I was hoping he'd expand on that one and ask "Do you spin the package around while you do your little dance?" While the weed cop/sherm cop routine worked on most, it backfired on perhaps the least likely contestant. Punk wasn't having any of that bullshit. He may be a little effeminate, but you won't be Punking Punk on national TV, especially when you look like Cam'ron and Jim Jones after the doctors told them there was nothing more they could do. Unfortunately for Pretty, he didn't corroborate his story with his co-defendant. There is a clear and cut problem when you say your mother and sister, whom you are inseparably close to, know every woman you've ever dated, yet your sister says she's never met a single one. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, that could just have been a situation of sister-girl lying to protect brother-man's privacy. However, the ties, the glitter pen, the bounce in his step and the sugar in his speech lead us to believe he's more than likely hiding the sausage if anything. Pretty's trapped in the closet!!! When New York approached the door to open it, Pretty pulled out his Beretta. "Pretty, do you know what time it is? I gotta meet my mo--" "Fuck yo' ass, bitch! Sorry, mama. Why the fuck everybody think I'm gay?" A nearly-outed Pretty wasn't the only one to pop off and be asked to leave the rent-a-mansion. Chance blew his chance at being invited back into the house by getting back on his Dipset shit. We all know the type. Famous will bark and fight the air knowing damn well he don't wanna get a mudhole stomped into his ass by one of these gargantuan negroes New York got floating around this time. Shit. Opening day looked like the clearance sale at Western Beef. Some of the niggas were even branded. While Pretty excused himself before the top on his Pringles got popped, Mr. Wise's sorry ass had to be dragged out in the next episode. Someone please explain to me how this man was able to get to the top 5? Was New York feeling his songs or some shit? I never understood his appeal. Ah, well. There are plenty more tar babies out there in search of the banana for their tailpipes. Too bad your "rap career" will always be affiliated with you publicly trying to fuck Man-ManBearPig. I'll hit you guys later today with the rest... AND what I thought of Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood!