Friday, January 4, 2008

Lisa Stansfield vs. Taylor Dayne: Who's The Blacker White Singer?

I tihnk it's high time I explained this week's poll question. Last week on Funkyminds, Jackpot had a post cataloging white chocolate. I took particular offense to the exclusion of one Ms. Lisa Stansfield. Granted, the list was exploratory in nature and by no means a definitive or even a thoroughly collection of any kind. It was just another one of Jackpot's post-lunch Itis-nap brainchildren. I still thought it criminal negligence of the highest degree to have a list like that, cite Taylor Dayne, and not even have Lisa Stansfield wander through your brainforest. That's like letting Jermaine Jackson sing lead and relegating Michael to backup. Exhibit A: Lisa Stansfield Tears Down Arsenio That's right. What's blacker than performing on "The Arsenio Hall Show?" You tell me. Taylor Dayne is absolutely terrifying. She looks like a blow-up doll. Blowsephine may be a tad more niggerish than Lisa Stansfield, but she don't got an iota of Lisa's soul. Not a single black-eyed pea's worth. Exhibit B: Even "The Man" Needs A Taste We ain't even discussing "All Around The World." That shit was so hot Barry White had to ignore his doctor's orders and slob down a slice of that angel cake. "She bad. She bad." Mmmm. Fuck with that, Taylor Dayne... with your plastic face and pornstar handle. Is that even your real name? No, it's not, Lisa Wunderman from Baldwin, Long Island. That's Barry there. He's lookin at Lisa like the chicken strip box! He'd pass your ass over like cauliflower. The real Lisa sings "All Around The World" with Barry White. Lisa Wunderman (from Baldwin, Long Island) would be lucky to sing "Tell It To My Heart" next to Alfonso Ribeiro. By the way, if you havent, you absolutely must see this. So yeah. Ummm... Vote for Lisa! --The one that rode with her natural snowflake name and still brought the soul to Londontown, that is. [Click here to read Jackpot's Taylor Dayne campaign]

11 comments:

Sahara said...

Been around the world was the jam! Lisa was the girl back in the day. What the hell is a Taylor Dane? Dead @ Mr. Ribiero. Plain ol' child abuse.

Yung Ether aka Britney's Dealer said...

Taylor dane couldn't carry lisa's nutsack then, now, or ever.

@ alfonso hustlin to them o'fays:

"Tell your parents it's the safe way to break and pop, not the things you shouldn't try..." *floor*

"Can you rap? Well, if so there's a full rap sheet included!!" *dead*

Nigga dat shit right therrre, should have been it's own post....lmao.

Ron Mexico said...

i agree. it's not even like the competition is close. taylor dayne is unfit to scrub lisa stansfield's scrotum.

i agree the alfonso's dance grooves could have been its own post, but we can get to america's most beloved dominican another time.

that's right. carlton is a fucking platano-peeling dominican from washington heights.

oh, yea. barry white invented the remix.

c b w said...

Just a question....Wouldn't Teena Marie outblack both of those chicks? Shiiit. She survived Rick James. Hands down she's the winner.

Eleven2 said...

White "soul" singers are kinda like soy milk in my opinion. Some people swear by it, others get sick off it, and every now and then it is great to have when nothing else is available. That said, Taylor Dane is another poser pop princess. I have more respect for Madonna as a singer because she just does her thing and doesn't try to be "blackishly" soulful. This just brings back painful memories of Fergie draining her lizad onstage...

Anonymous said...

Is that the chick from CSI in that pic with A. Rib?

Ron Mexico said...

cbw,

of course. teena marie is the queen of white chocolate. however, she was included in the initial discussion.

i just thought "taylor dane and no lisa?"

criminal.

c b w said...

In actuality, Taylor Dayne should not even be considered. She just happened to slide into the category because radio was more open back then. Lisa has cemented her place in time because not only was the song hot, Puffy used it, and it would not stop a party if the DJ threw it on. Try that shit with Taylor Dayne and see what happens.

Ron Mexico said...

great point.

i can already picture the hennessey shower that would ensue if "tell it to my heart" came on at a negro party.

"been around the world" ,on the other hand, would incur a universal sing-along.

i still don't believe a white lady sang "all woman."

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