Monday, January 7, 2008
2007 Rewind: Beyonce feat. Fabolous - "Get Me Bodied (Remix)" video
Yeah, I'll body that shit. In another pretentious display of Dreamgirl solidarity, Beyonce and her stable put the dicks down for a moment to combine in the bourgie eveningwear dance party that is the "Get Me Bodied" video. [watch above] I know this is not how it airs on The Negro Channel, but I figured it wouldn't do any harm to give 'Loso some shine. That is, unless Pastor Mase is still bitter. They need to find who did Queen B's wardrobe and charge them with war crimes. Yes, I compare that hideous dress with such horrendous acts against humanity as American slavery, the holocaust in Nazi Germany and mass slaughter/genocide in [insert African country here]. I hope this isn't their ugly-ass House of Dereon line because they got Beyonce lookin like something Captain Kirk would fuck on Star Trek. With that said, Beyonce could be green, scaly and in the late stages of a nasty bout with Hepatitis C. I'd still hit it. I've always been confused by the style of weave Beyonce chose. That shit defeats the purpose of weaving. One, you're not fooling anyone with that balero (ball-in-cup game) extension. Two, you end up looking like one of the Snorks. Oh, you know the damn song. Seriously, though. I can't even use it for leverage if I hit it from the back. It's completely fucking useless. If I wanted to fuck a Snork, I could tug as hard as I wanted. Sigh. It's nice to see Kelly and Michelle supporting their great matriarch. I say that like they don't spend 14 hours each day waiting by the red phone in the Dreamgirl house labeled "Beyonce Hotline." Solange is still in the house, so she knows she has to dance if she wants her allowance. That shit gotta stretch now too, Boo-Boo. Shorty got baby clothes and strained carrots to buy. Can't just blow it all on her boyfriend's Hennessey XO, Cush and Trojan-ENZ anymore. I cut on Solange a lot, but I love her. Obviously she's not much different from the rest of us. Solange wakes up to find empty, but obviously used ENZes on the other side of the bedroom in the morning too. Oh, don't act like I'm the only one that's been there. You could silence a .38 special with one of them shits. When you're ripped off that Hen-rock, the ENZ got to go. You know what else "got to go?" That aluminum slave in the cage. As usual, the choreography is exceptional. That's the video's saving grace. That and the fact that Beyonce's dancing with Mark Jackson. I can't with good conscience give the thumbs down to a clip that contains a Kid 'N Play kickstep. Correction: I can't with good conscience give the thumbs down to a clip that containts a Kid 'N Play kickstep in 5-inch heels. The way these clumsy bitches love to fall on their asses during performances, one of them is due for a timber. They jumpin around in them heels like we ain't seen any of them eat shit on national television. See that, Solange? Next time you get knocked up, yeen't gotta go and marry the nigga. You could just... perform somewhere and take care of that. You can initiate yourself as a full fledged Dreamgirl and take care of your "little problem" at the same time. Get 'em bodied, girl! They can't prove shit.