Tuesday, September 18, 2007

O.J., I Thought We Were Cool!

Over a decade ago, Hall of Fame running back, comedy actor and hairline deviant Orenthal James (the bus-driving murderer) Simpson was acquitted by a jury of his peers of the double murder his wife and the tennis instructor she was banging. Chris Rock banter aside, while I’d never condone murder, teenage Ronnie totally understood where the nigga was coming from with that ‘roid-rage-with-the-butterfly-knife shit. His trial was a beautiful catastrophe. Like a 25-car pile-up on the turnpike, you just had to peek. Just as quickly and unknowingly as Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman had become Vanilla PEZ dispensers, we as a national viewing audience were hijacked. One minute you’re watching the Knicks cough up the NBA Finals, the next you’re watching O.J. and Al Cowlings “run” from police at 20 miles per hour. --It was all over from there. A dozen years of purchased freedom later, O.J., in a world of [well-documented] financial trouble, has only one job. That job is to account for every single penny he has floating around (outside of the must-have secret Suisse account). The nigga became a street-certified accountant within about four days of the completion of his civil suit. Apparently, he’s treating it like the corner. Fuck with him if you wanna. Orenthal ass must really wanna be in the pokey! No, there’s no video to corroborate the story that O.J. ran up in there with the rest of his retired NFL player death squad, but the tone and content of the conversation tell us more than we need to know. Ain’t nobody talking to me the way Orenthal did this dude without twin .45s present and visible. He sounds like a cokedealer coming back on Papi who sold him flour. I thought I was listening to "Friend or Foe '98." “…And here I find you in this Motel 6 with all these balls and all my jerseys.” He made sure to check them out of the room and everything, huh? “I’m alert. Plus I paid the clerk.” Nigga said “Fuck it! I’m taking Joe Montana’s shit too. Tell him to come see me.” I remember being in an all-white prep school the day the double murder verdict was announced. There were only about 200 students in my entire school and the trial was being shown in the middle of the common. When the verdict was read, I was a lone chocolate chip in a cluster of about 90 white kids who looked like O.J. has stolen their trust funds. While they screamed and flipped chairs, I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off. I Bankhead Bounced my ass back to the Native Spanish class I was cutting guffawing hysterically the entire way as if my “O.J. Prize” was indeed in the mail. I acted an ass at Bel-Air Academy with my jacket inside out for what, O.J.? So you could take that little ass bit of judicial reparation and shit all over it?! You walk on a double murder of some white folks, you ain’t supposed to ever get so much as a fucking parking ticket. Y’all realize they’re gonna batter and deep-fry the Jena 6 now because of this nigga? Oh, and Mike Vick ain’t never coming home. Quick recap: -This nigga bodies his wife and her boyfriend. -He tracks the blood from her pad to his car. -He refuses to burn the duffel bag of bloody murder clothes. -His star character witness is Kato Kaelin; a man who paid his rent in 8-balls. -Johnnie Cochran raps. -Mark Fuhrman uses N-word. -No one even pretends to defend Mark Fuhrman’s character. -O.J. walks. Sheeeit. Johnnie Blaze ain't here to drop a hot 16 on the jury this time around, homie. Can’t wait to see how you pull this one out with Jacoby & Meyers on defense. He might be better off hiring that pimp he brought with him to “collect.”

24 comments:

Mike Crown said...

Man you are on point today!!! That brought back so many memories. My dad (a former Jersey resident and avid Knicks fan) is still pissed at OJ about that shit. I'll never forget that day when "Not guilty" was read and my Algebra teacher broke down in tears, to a chocolate-faced classmate running up and down the halls screaming "THE JUICE IS LOOSE" like he had pre-registered for his OJ prize the day before.

ChingDiva said...

Tell it! I can't listen to the recording now, but I heard a few snippets,, and OJ is a true ballsy ass nigga.

Yung Ether said...

"you think you can take my shit and sell it!!!"

that shit right there needs to be hangin on a wall in a museum.

and somebody need to tell oj he aint nordberg no more.

Anonymous said...

"Fuck it! I’m taking Joe Montana’s shit too. Tell him to come see me." -classic

c b w said...

I don't know and wasn't there to see if the original "O" was practicing his deli skills on 2 customers, but I was glad to see the justice system soften up these crackers like hot soup. But this right here...this shit right here...sounds like a setup as if there ever was one. If you heard the audio, that's the O.J. that the Brown family knew, loved, and ignored as long as that Hertz money was coming in.

Bird said...

Man this OJ situation got me heated. He fell for the okie doke. This was a serious set up. Dude had the audio to TMZ within a few hours. The cops had to hear that shit on the internet. Now everybody got immunity and Fred Goldigger is in court AGAIN trying to get the memorabilia that OJ is being charged with stealing. A judge already awarded him OJs Rolex earlier today. I ain't never liked OJ and here they got me ready to start a riot over his blond lovin ass. Shit even TMZ cut my ass off!

Ron Mexico said...

oh yeah, he got set up lovely.

it would have been more effective with a little Scarface camera in the clock though. i want the visual!

i wanna see the heaters!

Anonymous said...

WOW OJ TRYNA BE A THUG NOW TALKIN BOUT " NOBODY LEAVES THE ROOM" WOW BEN KNEES AINT DAT BAD I GUESS HE KINDA STUPID FOR THIS ONE WHY HE DO IT.

LMAO @"20 MPH" HIGH SPEED CHASE THRU LA I THOUGHT DEY WAS GONNA SHOOT HIS WHIP UP THAT DAY

AND HE STILL DIDNT DO IT

WWW.MYSPACE.COM/THAGRINDAHOLIC
NUTHIN BUT TRUNK SLAPS

Key from the City said...

"How do I know that's you, you motherfucker?"-best.line. ever

OJ is so damn stupid. This audio sounds like COPS: The Lost Episodes.

Kris said...

This is some straight bullshit. O.J. gonna officially fuck up one of our only moment's of triumph in the justice system. After skating on a double homicide, he should have moved out of the country and shut the hell up for the rest of his life, you know white folks don't let anything go.

Sahara said...

I knew it was some bullshit in the mix somewhere. The Goldmans (and white america) aint gone be happy until they go OJ's nuts on their mantle.

Edgar That Mexican Guy said...

I love hearing stories like this, nothing makes me laugh more than picturing criminals thinking "Dang, how did I get caught?"

Since it brought back the murders allow me to bring up my theory... OJ didn't do it (seriously).
His son did it. Think about it, his son hated that woman, has the same DNA, the glove fits, and during the "20 mph" chase, OJ was on the phone with his son.
That's just my theory.

Deanna said...

OJ needs to just wrap it up, dawg. He's done. Folks have been ITCHIN' to get that dude behind bars since he bought that innocent verdict. Then dumbass goes and does this. He's got delusions of grandeur (cocaine's a helluva drug).

Bird said...

You ain't neva lied Ron. Rocci seriously slept on the AV. He could have gotten millions for that.

The good thing is I'm confident OJ can jail. He's gonna be runnin a crip set up in the joint before you know it.

c b w said...

O.J. should've just let this shit ride, because now he's being set up to go to jail on tax evasion. Not to mention did you see his old associate on Anderson Cooper 360 last night snitchin'?!!!! The dude was cool with the Juice for 13 years and now wants to say greasy shit about him...white people...man oh man

Lowedwn said...

I know i'm a day late but, Dayum!!!
Y'all got me rolling at work. The funny thing is, it's just like when I was in junior High & high school, white folks is talking a lotta shit then hush up when "Mr Nigga" hits the corner, it's hilarious.

Real talk though, fuck OJ, damn right he should'a skeeted out the country when he got off, dumb ass. I mean it's not bad enough he fucked up an entire summer of adolescent TV programming(I'll never get those episodes of Richard Bey back), but now once again I gotta become the designated negro correspondent on why "Neeegers" like him perpetually do dumb shit.

Man I think he got set-up on some bullshit, but it's like moms use to say, hang w/ fools that do dirt, and ur gonna get dirty.

Lowedwn said...

Y’all realize they’re gonna batter and deep-fry the Jena 6 now because of this nigga?

Oh, and Mike Vick ain’t never coming home.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

p.s. - Shyne just got 10 more off this shit too

Yung Ether said...

c b w said "Not to mention did you see his old associate on Anderson Cooper 360 last night snitchin'?!!!!"

i saw dat, and dude sat there on LIVE tv and admitted that
a)oj lied to, cheated, and shitted the IRS
2)oj got offshore accounts everywhere for everything
d)every dollar oj makes signing autographs goes directly in oj's pocket

and what's fucked up is that's not even what anderson cooper was aking him about, he just kept runnin his mouth about all types of illegal shit.

c b w said...

Yung....

Did that cat shit on everything OJ loved last night or what?!!! This nigga admitted to being a rider for OJ and then went lilly,all-purpose flour white. Even white people were like "This honkey is a snitch"

The way he was talking he probably knows where Jimmy Hoffa is, got the knife that Jay-Z stabbed Un with, and 10 of the 11 spices in KFC's orignial recipe chicken.

Bird said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bird said...

Man this case is falling apart. TMZ been releasing the tapes in bits and pieces and all these people are grimey as hell. Today's tape has them talking about calling Inside Edition or some shit right after the "robbery" took place. It sounds like everyone was in on the big con and had OJs stupid ass thinking he was conducting a sting. He surprised them with those gats and messed up the whole thing.

Now that Riccio is spilling his guts to the media, not to mention he is the one feeding the audio to TMZ all kinds of contamination is going on. Shit OJ might be able to plead to probation or some shit. And the dumb ass prosecutor gets nothing because he handed out immunity to these idiots.

Yung Ether said...

@c b W

shid, i thought we was gonna find out who merked jfk, big, and pac, last night!!!!

Anza Borrego Spirit said...

Lowedwn said: "p.s. - Shyne just got 10 more off this shit too"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And that's all my cracker ass is saying on the entire subject -- I know better.

EReal said...

L M F A O

You got some jewels in this one dawg, forreal.

Vanilla Pez Dispensers-L M A O

Yeah He went there. haahahahaha.