Wednesday, September 26, 2007
The Bionic Bullshit
I just watched NBC's completely retarded reincarnation of the Lindsay Wagner classic, "The Bionic Woman." Alright, let me not fuck around. Phony nostalgia serves no one. "The Bionic Woman" was a watered-down spin-off of "The Six Million Dollar Man," a far superior program, and this is watered-down recreation of that shit. Yep, as expected, some third-generation diluted shit. Great job casting an end-of-the-bar skank as the protagonist. Now, I have no problem watching heaving chesticles bounce, but damn... I haven't been subject to such terrible acting since "Glitter." How old is the little sister supposed to be? 12? 14? 16? I know the "Power Rangers" conversion chart. Everyone's at least a +5. So, 18-year-old Lucy Hale should be playing at 13-year-old little sister. Back to the shittiness. My buddy (same one from the Vick blog) was super geeked for this program so I decided to watch it with him. Better that than watching the Mets choke on every dick in the NL East. All I derived from this lost hour of my life is that no degree of technological advancement can save us, the general viewing public, from shitty television. If they put half the effort into writing and acting as they did the special effects, the Negroes Banned Channel might have something with this. As it stands though, I'd rather see the 70s snowflake diva crush the tennis ball. A little later I'll be back to tell you what I think of this "A Bay Bay" shit.