Flavor Flav: "Under One Roof" trailer

I may have finally grown disenchanted enough with the "Flavor of Love" franchise to abstain from watching it even for the sake of recapping it. But lightning strike my black ass if I ain't interested than a motherfucker in this: Always great when we get a reminder that MY9 still got some UPN in 'em. The network has long since lost me in the sea of supernatural privileged white bitches with problems. Actually, they lost me at "Homeboys in Outer Space." But respect to the network staying loyal to Flex and finally breaking him off with "One on One." I'll bet that kid likes "Snakes on a Plane." He looks like Kel's hopelessly gay little brother they never talk about. On the subject of siblings ne'er spoken of and network loyalty to Flex, pay special attention when homie says "the show went a different direction." Translation: Flex caught the Judy Winslow, son. Sorry. "One on One's" the best segue I got to "Under One Roof" straight-man, Kelly Perrine. Okay, I'm kidding. It's the only segue I got to Kelly Perrine. Sadly enough, this time around Kelly sounds like he's warning unsuspecting white people of imminent danger instead of pitching an exciting new sitcom. Whoever wrote/developed/pitched this shit has to feel what Damon Wayans was feeling halfway through "Bamboozled." Kadeem Hardison don't feel shit but happy as hell that he came up on some work. "I can't believe we got Kadeem Hardison!" Crackheads tend to overvalue shit (i.e.: the PS3 you bought from one for $20). I guess Flavor can't tell, but Kadeem lookin hurt. Never more than now has it been so painfully obvious how badly this nigga fucked up lettin Chante Moore go to that light-skinned nigga Kenny Lattimore. I guess if they worked with light-skinned Ron from "A Different World," Dwayne Wayne's number is in that Rolodex somewhere. So UPN/my9 somehow couldn't find a way to squeese Marques Houston into this? Shit. That preemptively murders my hope to find Chris Brown toe-wopping about in an episode somewhere along the line. Pierre Lecroix be damned. Let me get this straight. We've got Flavor Flav as an ex-con. Dig it. Kelly Perinne is the tight-ass, smarty-art nigga. Dig it. What the fuck is Dwaaaaaayne supposed to be? The past-his-prime intramural athlete? The loveable and witty strip mall pimp? Michael Bivins? I know I ain't missin the first episode of this shit. I don't know about anything past that. However, I do know that success or not, the network's gonna suck the life out of Flavor Flav and leave him in the gutter like a spent condom the same way they did Flex.

Take The Cake?... Don't You Mean "Cornbread?"

Come on, Negro Channel. Just say it. We'll respect you more. This is my new favorite Soulja Boy video. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to see Joe Clair getting a damn check. He's been getting his national commercials in and shit. Feed your family, proud black king. Gotta love that, right? But what the hell kind of darkie freak show do they have him working? I don't know if Ron Mexico could show up to this set with a clear conscience. I don't know what to say. Damon Wayans' performance in "Bamboozled" really touched me. Toccara would come chunky pose at your auntie's cookout for a soggy $50 bill and some of them ribs. I'm not surprised to see her here. BET is probably paying her in Lane Bryant gift certificates. She's working for gear. As with any BET original programming, everything from the set to the camerawork is the lowest quality allowable by the FCC. This is not what sickens me. What really drowns my dogs is that this program is nothing more than a text message charge trap. I mean, pay-per-text services already ran the commercial advertising market network-wide. Why not push these shits with an hour-long program of our greatest commodity, negroid jackassery? Wanna crank dat thang between the text messages? Sure! Why the fuck not?! Hey, Toccara. Why don't you squeal like a stuck pig at everything Joe Clair says? Hey, Joe Cleezy. Could you do a little dance for whatever city/state/region the caller is from? Thanks, pal. Just last night, while viewing the program for the first time, I watched "ATL" star Jackie "Esquire" Long say "fuck it!" on a live broadcast after failing to correctly answer some very elementary Negro trivia. This program is an insult to our collective colored intelligence not only in the educational level of the trivia. This is an insult in their assumption that we don't know what the fuck this is. BET would have you believe that black people are nothing more than crankin, robocoppin, booty wallpaper-text-ordering sneaker monkeys. Niggas gettin mad cuz I got me some bathing apes. Here's some more cornbread and cabbage. "Let me spread some of this here sand on the floor..." Why don't they just get Rudy Ray Moore to host a ghetto-survival-flavored re-creation of "The Price Is Right?" Niggas can argue over food stamp conversions and dope quantities without scales and shit.