Thursday, March 13, 2008

Secret Wire Tap Used In Governor Spitzer Sex Investigation

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer ALBANY - Until earlier this morning, newly-deposed New York Governor Eliot Spitzer had no idea how his paper trail had been followed so meticulously without even the slightest of indication to himself or his staff. State Detectives Lester Freamon and James McNulty provided a bit of clarity for the disgraced official in a media session today. "Well, we've been on his money trail for some time now," Freamon told a slew of reporters on hand at the Albany State House. "It took a lot of effort and particular attention to detail to bring this one in. Fortunately for us and the people of New York, the State Police Department provided everything we needed in a timely fashion to keep our wire tap alive. I'm grateful to work in a department that is entirely devoted to police work." Detective Freamon's comment has been perceived to be a thinly-veiled stab at the noted incompetence of he and McNulty's previous employer, the Baltimore Police Department. "We're not here to talk about that. If anything I owe the city of Balitmore my career. Working there for nearly a decade gave me the tactical experience to do my job here with the New York State Police," McNulty deflected. "I'll gladly answer any question about the investigation at hand. Those who abuse their power and the trust of their constituency deserve reprecussion. They don't get to win. We get to win." The arrest and emergence of details surrounding the case come as a surprise to most as it is common knowledge that the department's top priority has been counter-terrorism. The now seven-year-long initiative has absorbed nearly eighty percent of the departmental operations budget. Even the newly-deposed governor was taken aback. "Sheeeeeeeeeeit!" Spitzer lamented while making his way out of the State House for the last time as head magistrate. "I don't even know where they got the funding or the manpower to listen to my calls and watch the women. I'm at a loss for words at this time." Spitzer's clammed tongue isa recent development as sordid details of his exchanges with various sex workers have been made public. Through transcripts the one-time Attorney General is depicted as a vocal and aggressive sexual deviant whose requests included unprotected sex and fecal play. "The great irony comes in that a man known almost exclusively for his pursuit of the abuse of funds designated for municipal use could be mired in a scandal of this nature," added political analyst and Obama campaign strategist A Pimp Named Slickback. "Still there's a matter of far greater importance at hand. We can't be havin niggas out on the streets forcing hoes into raw dog situations like that. That's bad for everyone." As a disgraced Eliot Spitzer leaves the State House, history will be made this week as Lieutenant Governor David A. Paterson is expected to be sworn in as New York's governor for the remainder of the current term. Of course, the first question they ask a nigga is if he had any invovlement in the skeet-flavored fuckery staining the chair he is slated to assume. "I didn't see shit," Paterson assured.


Malice Blackheart said...

This raises sort of a funny issue. What was more of a waste of tax dollars? The manpower spent on listening in to his phone calls and tracking him and whatnot, or the funds Spitzer siphoned for sex?

c b w said...

I can just imagine what this dude was saying after fundraising events....

Advisor 1: Well sir, it seems as though we've raised enough money last night at the dinner to stash away for the next campaign.

Spitzer & Advisor 2: (laughing hysterically)

1: What is so funny?!

Spitzer: This dude actually thinks I'm going to use this for my next campaign?

2:(in the voice of Reg E. Cathy) You have got to be the dumbest nigga I know!!! Campaign?!!! Spitz just made enough money to fuck for 4 days!!

Spitzer: That's right homey! I'm not sure if I'm going to space those 4 days out or just go all the way in and tell wifey I'm in meetings in D.C all day. Hell, I might even let David smell my finger.

Flav flavored Hate said...

what could a bitch do for 5 g's sexually to a man that he couldn't get done by another hoe for far, far less money? The world may never know. Welcome Back Ron. Hope all is good Pimpin.

Ron Mexico said...

thanks, bro. don't think i don't miss it when i'm gone.

yeah, mane. sometimes it's too high to get over... too low to get under.

but y'all deserve the best of me regardless.

Anonymous said...

I had to wonder the same thing. I thought he should have been fuckin for free. It's your job to convince the legislature to vote for your thoughts and views, you can't convince a woman to fuck you for free??? He should only need four words: me, governor; you, bed. Welcome back Mexico

Mike Crown said...

Hate to get off topic Ron but I ran across this and I know you would enjoy if you haven't already seen it: