Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I Love New York 2: Finale Sunsplash!
Dem a call us piraaaates. Dem a call us illegal protesters. Just because we blog what the people want. Welcome to Jamaica, where slavery apparently still exists. "I don't know what the hell I'm going to do on this plantation." - New York Really? So you don't like the plantation, Miss New York? Eh, don't worry. You're already a slave. Not no classy slave like Thomas Jefferson's bitch. No, you're that sweaty, broke-down, back of the chicken coop slave with wheat stalks dangling from her nappy mane pretending to be blond like massa's wife and daughter. Yes. I said it. "Tailor Made buys me nice gifts. Buddha got me a teddy bear with a hole in it." - New York I liked the empty box from Tailor Made. He is the cheesiest, corniest, end of "Pretty In Pink"-stealinest rich bum I've ever seen, but that one was clever enough for Fuckwheat. I also love how the program centralizes on Tailor Made's jealousy. You can't stand to see New York with other guys, yet you are a contestant on "I Love New York 2." Yes, that makes a ton of sense, hairplug. I knew Tailor Made was a bitch, but I did NOT expect to see him howling and crying like his first night in federal prison. He's stir crazy after a couple of hours? No, he's just crazy. Yet, who's here to console Taylor Dane? Ah, yes. The ManBearPig who unloads the most ridiculous notion of the entire series. "You are part German, right? You call upon your German ancestors... Your descendants." - Sister Patterson Wow. A black woman just implied that a white man should use Nazi tactics on her offspring. Did you guys notice how nice Tailor Made's dad was? He's trying to escape that public relations disaster he inherited from his folks. Shit, even the pope was Hitler Youth. ManBearPig then gave Tailor the official Hilter-Rommel pep-talk. I'm pretty sure that's how they did it behind closed doors. I don't know how well that's going to work. Tailor Made looks like he's got a little Ricky Ricardo in the tank. So, listen. I got niggas jugglin fire. I got slaves. I want this night to be perfect. All she was missing was that Buddha dick. Oh, who are we kidding? She's already 2 months pregnant by him. Tailor Made's cliff jump symbolized the dropping of his balls. It all comes full-circle. You dive balls-first into a Jamaican woman. Then you dive balls-first into Jamaica for a woman. Let's stick with balls. Sure, you're got a ton of money, but it takes some hairy coconuts to go buy an engagement ring like that. No, it doesn't take balls to buy an engagement ring for New York on a nationally-televised reality show. It takes balls to purchase or otherwise carry anything worth more than $50.00 USD anywhere on the island of Jamaica. If either of those cliff jumpers peeped that ring her splooge-covered finger would be in the chicken foot soup pot. With a DG Kola Champagne on the side... Maybe a bottle of Ting if they're feeling freaky. If you missed the broadcast, thank EweToube user "tanishaw" for the complete final episode without interruption. Seen. ..and there it is. She chooses Tailor fucking Made. How Buddha didn't realize that the ring wasn't for him was a testament to just how self-centered he is. The balls have come full-circle and now comes the g-g-gullibility. In a strange way, Tailor Made and New York are perfect for each other. A whore needs a trick. They've got a two-way street going in that regard. New York goes on the dollar stroll and Tailor Made once again gets to ride the Hershey Highway. All's well that ends well, I suppose. Can't wait for the reunion episode... and the third season. You know this shit ain't gonna last.